Just when you think Christ has left you, look at the mountains and ask Him to dance.

Recently I have been wrestling with whether or not I feel the presence of The Lord in my life. I have been experiencing a lot of hardship within my family and as much as I have surrendered and begged for The Lord to be with me, I haven’t felt him. I’ve felt lost. As if God just dropped me off in a dessert, and left me to navigate through an unknown territory with so many things and people weighing on my back, looking for me to find a way out for all of them.

I felt overwhelmed, lonely, hurt, and fearful. And honestly, I was sad. I was choosing everyday to lead a life of Christ. I was intentional with my words, actions, relationships, and thoughts yet I felt as though he left me, alone, in one of the darkest seasons of my life. It reaffirmed my belief that everyone in my life would someday abandon me, and that made me so sad.  

My circumstances became my identity.

Led by my depression and the lie that has dictated my entire life of not being worthy enough, I gave up. I began telling myself that I wasn’t worthy of the love the bible described. My circumstances became my identity. I was suddenly led by my depression. I stopped attending church, closed my bible and journal, and before I knew it, things continued to spiral downward. I couldn’t get out of bed, wasn’t responding to the messages and calls from the Gallery community (I apologize) and most of all, lost the Joy that I had about life. 

Christ provided me with yet another opportunity to be in his presence through a gifted trip to Colorado. One of my first days there I sat outside of a little coffee shop in the small mountain town of Nederland, Co. While sitting in silence, I opened my eyes and heart for the first time in months. I cried out to Christ for what I decided was my final time and in that instant, I felt him. He was there. I felt him hugging me through the depths of the mountains. I felt him sitting by my side through the trees. I felt him calling me to return to His dance. I felt him speaking into my heart telling me that as soon as I walked away, He crafted my return. I felt his powerful love unlike ever before. I was overwhelmed by this feeling of His love.

In that moment I felt God calling me to come back to His dance. To allow him to lead my life again and for me to simply follow. I opened my journal and turned to my notes from Pastor Brad’s sermon about the dance we partake in with Christ. 

“We reside in the arms of Jesus. When we pay attention and can be led by Jesus, we create a beautiful dance with one another. When we try to take the lead, don’t pay attention or don’t like the dance God created. We think we can create a better one resulting in us falling out of sync. It looks horrible, we feel horrible.”

I fell out of sync in my dance with Christ. Instead of asking for his help through the difficult steps, I rushed through them or pretended they didn’t exists. I tried to create new moves on my own. I was trying to lead the dance.

So here I am. Learning how to re-dance with The Lord. Step-by-step remembering the intimate dance He and I have created throughout the years and being open to the new steps He is teaching me. Being reaffirmed continuously that The Lord intimately loves me. I am his bride and He is my groom. He is longing for a relationship with me and I am ready for a deeper one with Him.  

I leave you with my favorite song Christ and I dance to:

Watch: Phil Wickham - Divine Romance

-LaCresia King